And on the Seventh Day

falling
Originally uploaded by kafkas_undies.

I’m finally tending to an academic necessity I’ve put off for five years. Some call it annoying, others say “Biology.” And though the name doesn’t particularly matter - I had my first session of fill-in-the-blank last week and was privy to an incident that rivaled the “Negro talk” travesty. In this course, we were discussing – of all things – Biology. So in this discussion of life and its scientific appendages – and by “in” I mean before, during, and ever-unfortunately after – there was a genius seated in the back of the room who asked the same question three to five times in a row and without much, if any, modification. Did I mention she was a genius? (And by “Genius” I mean “fucking moron.”) She was a genius eligible for AARP membership, but wasn’t a member because the other end of an 800 line wouldn’t answer her inane questions in a manner she deemed accessible. So during this discussion of life’s essential qualities, Genius raises her hand and asks the professor “Do you think Noah was a biologist?” And no, this wasn’t CCD class. (Shocking, I know.)

Is my calendar off by a few decades? Is some silkscreener having a great laugh at my expense? I hope so, because sometimes I feel guilty being the only one laughing. And if not guilty, at least gluttonous. And digestion can be a hell of a time investment. By the time I was through, the class was a blip on the map of yesterday and my brilliant retort must now be delivered electronically to a surrogate audience. Here goes:

Listen grandma. And listen good because I will not repeat myself even if you ask ten times and modify sentence structure and content with each turn. Here’s the deal: Noah was not a biologist. Nor, like popular belief, was he a zookeeper or shipbuilder. Noah was nothing. He was and remains a fictional character existing on paper in perpetuity with his fictional brethren. In fact, I think he and Hester Prinn have a date tonight. They’ve plans to debunk Copernican “theory.”

Was Noah a biologist? I don’t know. Or, sure, yeah, a biologist. And I’m a hibiscus blossom.