Denouncements

Zipper Trouble
Originally uploaded by kafkas_undies.

Welcome to Monday. Monday makes some people cry. Are you one of them? Or do they just make you dry heave? In either case, I have the solution. They’re called denouncements, people. Soviet style. What better way to start your week than with a series of well-deserved, potentially libelous attacks? I guess you could add a cup of black coffee and a scowl to the mix. Oh, and an inflated sense of superiority. Don’t forget that part.

So without further linguistic dilly-dallying, I bring you the First-Ever Diagonally Backwards Monday Morning denouncements. Welcome to Week One. Let the defamation begin.

Diagonally Backwards denounces... Jimmy Kimmel. The reason should be obvious, but here’s a hint: Sarah Silverman.

Diagonally Backwards denounces... inconsiderate parents, especially those who walk down the middle of an otherwise empty sidewalk with gigantic strollers and don’t get out of the way when others want to pass them and their little bundle of diapered joy. Jesus. These are probably the same people who throw their kids birthday parties when they turn One and then get pissed if you don’t go.

Diagonally Backwards denounces... text messaging as a primary mode of communication. Who does that? People afraid of a live verbal exchange, that’s who. Text messaging – you are denounced. (Unless it’s an emergency.)