Alone is Better

Crushing at Street Level
Originally uploaded by kafkas_undies.

Don’t let those Wrigley Doublemint commercials fool you. Two is not better. Neither is three, four, or their numeric superiors. One’s where it’s at. And that’s where I’m at. Alone and loving every damn minute.

Considering a move to the Land of Solitude? I say jump in. Head first. There's no membership fee and here's just a small sampling of the pleasures you'll enjoy:

1. Traveling becomes stress-free. No one's schedule or forgetfulness or lack of organizational skills to accommodate but your own, and how could you get mad at yourself? I mean, really! You're too sweet for anger.

2. Shocking restaurant hosts and waitstaff who initially cannot believe that such a gorgeous creature is dining alone. (Even Bob W. aka The World's Greatest USPS Counterperson acknowledges your beauty and if there's anything Bob W. isn't, it's a liar.)

3. The aforementioned shocked folks ultimately go on to regard you with a lovable envy-admiration-intrigue combo. And that's envy in the best sense of the word meaning devoid of malice or any members of its extended family. Oh yeah.

4. Your bed becomes a diagonal playground.

5. Compromise is magically transformed into an idea more abstract than the intersection of Op Art, Suprematism, and Surrealism. And it feels fantastic to be right all the time, doesn't it?

6. You recapture a level of privacy that's guaranteed to send chills up Porter Goss's spine. It might even make him puke and soil his pants at the same time and that alone seems incentive enough to migrate to the Nation of One.

And if you happen to be a young woman, you automatically gain the right to carte blanche pepperspray. So think about it. Better yet, don't think about it. Don't think, just do.