Dolls, Vaginas, and the Plastic Revolution

the scariest thing ever
Originally uploaded by kafkas_undies.

This truly is at the top of the list. Scarier than any horror flick, hands down. Even those celluloid adaptations of the Real.

This, ladies, is housed in the back seat of a beige Toyota Prius that bears Maine plates. Some might call it fine art. Others, terrifying. And then the other others are busy spouting off adjective-plus-noun combinations of fine art and terror.

What is it exactly? Good question (if you're blind). Ahhh, humor at the expense of the visually impaired. (I’m sorry, Jesus. Christ, I feel like I keep letting you down. But we’re still cool, right? I mean, we’ve got history, man, history. Plus, the whole semitic thing and sandals and long hair. We’re still cool, right? Nice. High five, bro.)

Back to the terror art. So this thing uses a piece of foam core or plywood as a base. To this base, the artist attached two baby dolls. Now, that wouldn’t be such a big deal if they were just plain old baby dolls or say, baby dolls dressed in lingerie or Santa hats or pet themed onesies or a Courtney Love costume. But that’s not how they’re dressed. Instead, each is bald, with hair cropped as close to plastic baby scalp as scissors allow, and each is naked. The result is a haircut that looks like a weaver’s symmetrical attempt at a skull cap. A naked plastic baby doll attempt.

Next come the jawbones. It’s hard to make out in the photo, but one jawbone appears on either side of each doll. And the jawbone source? Your guess is as good as mine. Unless you’re a vet or a biologist. If you’re one of those – or Jesus forbid, both of them - your guess is certainly better than mine. But while you’re busy photocopying official records and licenses and the like, let me just say: some “artist” is driving around with a mutilated baby doll slash jawbone slash plastic vagina (we’ll get to that later) slash bound with wire “piece” in the back seat of a fuel efficient Japanese vehicle. I guess the signs had it right all along: Maine – The Way Life Should Be.

Now, to the plastic vaginas. Half of each doll’s body is cut off. Think lengthwise. But rather than leave plastic cavity empty, the creator chose instead to affix a plastic vagina inside of each doll. Each plastic vagina lays parallel to the dolls’ single arm. Parallel to each doll’s backbone, if it had one.

Whoever made this thing is a fucking genius. It’s sure to be the next Tamagotchi.